This one is up there with those wallies camping outside Parliament all year old protesting about whatever’s their pet hobby horse this week in terms of sheer vapidity and self-aggrandisement above pragmatics.

Back at the end of June 2009, Evil_One jumped on the bandwagon started at Mod The Sims for more game sliders by Hiphopbunnyjuly (Freedom55) to add one of her own on the EA forum, with one or two (ahem!) additions.

Here we are coming towards the end of January 2012, and she’s still plugging it – or rather resumed plugging it when she returned to the EA forum last year.

Here is how it currently looks:

So Evil_One expects EA’s developers to take as gospel that close on 2000 Simmers wish the above novel to be implemented?

At the bottom of the signatories is something quite telling.

Yes, edited four hundred and fifty seven times, and that wasn’t merely to add signatures, but also to alter the terms of the original petition.

For example:

Confirmation that the original terms of the original petition have been altered, goodness knows how many times in total.

And so on.

‘So what?’ you may ask – if you are an blithering idiot, that is.

This is not an argument about whether more sliders is A Good Thing or not, that’s a subjective matter.

But to hold up a petition started two years and seven months ago as somehow holding any weight is plain old kidding yourself, let alone one where the original terms have been altered goodness knows how many times and when part of the original terms have been fulfilled.

How relevant Evil_One’s petition is to most Simmers today – which is what she is basing its weight of numbers on – can be gauged by the fact of the sixty six posts made on her petition thread since New Zealander Erich_Raeder came on board her campaign as a cheerleader in November 2011, no less that twenty six of those sixty-six are simply those two bumping the thread to keep it on the first page – hardly a sign that it is currently uppermost on the minds of most Simmers.

Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera more times than a baldy King of Siam.

Which is hardly surprising that they’ve been forced to paddle their own canoe, since Evil_One’s petition is not what you were petitioning for originally when the petition was first started in June 2009.

For example:

Since that time by your own admission extra sliders have been added into the game, whereupon you have altered it demanding improved musculature definition and plumbob knows what other additions and ameliorations to the original text.

Sorry, but you cannot start a petition up, ask people to sign it, and then rewrite the terms of it as you go along – the moment you do so, you invalidate it. Most petitions last six months to a year tops, because people may change their minds or cease to be of any relevance to the topic.

Look no further than Evil_One’s second signatory:

Yes, the InfoGuru/Magical Unicorn/Great Knit has been permabanned from the EA forum since August 2009 and it’s not exactly a secret hasn’t exactly been a Sims 3 player since about January 2010 (except for a brief dalliance in the summer of 2011).

She’s far from the only one.

Going down the list of just those first twenty eight names, FatalTemptress, Twoxnine, Jammer152, Alenuska, Falsetruth, Ductape, Danivixen, Chika and Emailathome have bought nothing beyond the base game, which taken together with their low post account appears to strongly suggest they are no longer active players. Counting Aarin, that brings us to ten from twenty eight – hardly an auspicious start.

Furthermore, of those twenty eight accounts, those of Aarin, Sunnisweety, RubyTheFuzzled, Chika and Emailathome are all permabanned.

(Yes, Sunnisweety and Ruby returned later as Sunnisweetyxoxo and RubyTheConFuzzled, but have since vanished from active Simming, and are much missed).

Goodness knows how many others in your petition list are either permabanned (in which case don’t expect EA to care a flying duck what they want), have long lost any interest in the game, or in the case of this one of your old Granny munching mates, both:

Fast forward two years later, and under his last account of AnnoyingPerson, Lawertend took time away from university and posting lewd comments to young girls on their Chatboxes to tell anyone that would listen:

Two years on, and still this permabanned troll's butthurt stings him!

Some things never change, Aarin’s Jazz-Hands forum may be long dead, but Lawertend’s still screwing up the ex-Aarinites plans at every turn with his bumnuggetry to this day!

Even the person in whose name you started the campaign in the first place – HipHopBunnyjuly (Freedom55 from Mod The Sims) – has long left the Sims 3 world.

So to recap, Evil_One expects EA to take seriously a petition going on two years and seven months, riddled with goodness knows how many people who are no longer players of the game and for a statement she has altered plumbob knows how many times?

In short, what relevance or mandate does her petition have left?

There is of course a final one: the absurd manner in which Evil_One is attempting to pass her petition off as having any form of ‘official’ weight with EA.

So the story currently goes on the first post of the thread anyway. However, that was not what she claimed at the time the thread was originally created and she was deeming it to be ‘Official’.

So because the last thread about sliders was closed and your one is replacing it, that makes it an ‘official’ thread?

Tenshi3 tried to get an answer out of Evil_One as to why she was calling it official, but never got it.

Still didn’t explain why that made it ‘official’ though.

In fact, anyone who asked the question was repeatedly fobbed off with the same non-answer from Evil_One.

All Simmer after Simmer got in response to their question was either hyperbole about being doing it for ‘all people’ or reference to her front page claim as to being:

‘Officially recognized by EA and TS3′s Developer Team’ [sic!]

Not once in the two years and seven months this has been on the go has she offered a single shred of proof that her petition has any form of official ‘recognition’ whatsoever.

She did however claim EA were looking into the issue, not quite the same thing as giving official recognition to her petition by any stretch of the imagination:

Which sitted rather strangely to her belligerent attitude to EA a few posts later.

Eh? Why would a poll on the topic be getting up EA’s nose if they were ‘officially’ recognising a petition on the topic according to her own claims? Unless of course she had been bullshitting everyone all along and there was no ‘official recognition’ at all.

Evil_One did claim later that she’d had word that it had been passed up the line to the development team, but again this in no way implies ‘official’ recognition of this petition and also gives the lie to her earlier claim ten days earlier to Liltab1121 that it already had recognition.

But ten days after claiming she’d been told the request had been passed by EA’s support staff to the development team, Evil_One was saying she was starting to get the impression that EA didn’t care about Sims 3!

There is absolutely no consistency to Evil_One’s stance on this thread of hers. One moment she’s got official backing, the next moment she’s saying EA doesn’t care. This isn’t consistent with someone that has any sort of communication with EA whatsoever, and is more consistent with someone making it up as she goes along to keep people interested.

If it’s an ‘official’ EA recognised thread, it also doesn’t explain why Evil_One is under the impression that the moderators would not be allowed to sticky her thread?

This is something she’s been moaning about back in July 2009!

Surely the converse would be the case if it was given official blessing as happened with Walden95′s help thread or the LOLSims thread of Lady Emillye?

Our guess is that Evil_One said it’s an official petition as it was more likely to get people to sign it if they were being conned into believing EA are definitely paying close attention to it and will act upon it.

Perhaps Evil_One believes the end justifies the means? The reality however is that a petition based around a lie is one giving EA all the excuse they need to ignore it, even if a million active Simmers legitimately signed it.

Mind you, why the hell would they want to pay attention to someone slagging them from dawn to dusk about their incapability to satisfy her consumer needs is perhaps another matter.

Not just in her signature displaying her latest moan of the month:

Yes, and posting that in your petition thread is really going to make anyone at EA anxious to pay any attention to your feedback when you clearly have no faith in their capabilities whatsoever.

Until now we’ve ignored this house of cards, but the time this nonsense was taken to task and put into some sort of perspective is long overdue.

For two years and seven months, Evil_One has been proffering an ‘official’ EA approved petition for more sliders without a shred of evidence to back up her claims of any official benevolence towards it (other than the passive one that they’ve not saw fit to delete it, hardly an official endorsement!). It also is riddled with goodness knows how many signatories who are no longer players of the game for whatever reason and who are signatories to a statement she has altered plumbob knows how many times as to render the signatures total ‘endorsing’ it completely fraudulent.

Whatever your stance on the idea of more sliders, this sort of fiasco in no way helps, and if Evil_One were to be remotely honest she’d start a fresh petition with a fresh statement upon it, because the current one she is running has long ceased to have any credibility to it whatsoever.

Much as we like Evil_One (or she amuses us at any rate), it’s high time she ceased this tendency to act like a tit of a size not requiring any extra sliders and with nipples like Empire Biscuits.

Then again, Sharkloverplayer would still love her regardless.

It started like all blockbusters with a secondary actress as the damsel in distress.

Like all great epics, it touches on classic themes of the genre (editing tools and CAW tools), but also gives a nod to the comtemporary (Mac users getting shafted).

Enter the leading lady.

Now for the dilemma and the twist in the plot – the damsel in distress’s quest concerns a place that holds bitter memories for the heroine, a place of betrayal and unspeakable bumnuggetry.

But she conquors those demons of the past (or should that be evil fairies?) and sees with stunning clarity the solution that lies not in what MichelleBrujah thinks she sees, but what in fact she is failing to see!

After some misunderstanding comes the breakthrough.

It wouldn’t be a true blockbuster without the handsome hero who stumbles and bumbles as he tries to win the heart of the fair midden that has came into his life and sent into turmoil his peaceful life of the Cowplant Dairy on the hills.

Little does she know that he has a secret identity, when he wears his Underpants Of Destiny outside his trousers, he becomes Captain Obvious!

But at last the lead comes forth with the resolution – victory is at hand! The valley is restored to its ancient lustre.

Cue scenes of gushing gratitude, lots of hugs and ‘Oh Rflong7/13!’, ‘Oh MichelleBrujah!’ and one half of the audience going ‘oh isn’t it wonderful?’ whilst the other half goes ‘oh isn’t it nauseating’.

Pan out cameras, switch to sweeping majestic panoramic visions of Sunset Valley reborn in its greenest splendour, turn up the volume on the finale soundtrack and get those orchestral strings pumping out the maple syrup!

But at whom? Which not so fabulous killjoy is she preparing to give not jazz hands to but jazz fists?

Is the Kyllingnugget in question fellow Norwegian KarroStar, whom she was none too happy for copying one of her Simmies back in December? Whatever happened to honour between Vikings, that’s what we want to know?!

Or is it anyone of the kiddies in one of the girlie blogs (they all look and read the bloody same to us) that are never happy unless they’re accusing someone of stealing their last Rolo because they’re bored, in which perm anyone from a thousand as the likely suspect!

Whoever it is, consider yourself told!

Our take on undesirable viewers and linkers is, ‘meh!’ So what if they do?

We’ve got a whole forum of losers that have spent all week desperately trying to get a free plug out of us because they’re f**ked. And we have links to us from certain forums we have absolutely no time for whatsoever (though they like to gush how much they ‘love’ us – yeah, but only when we’re attacking people for being idiots or when you want something, not for anything else, so have a free F**kyourselfwithawirebrush Baguette and complimentary cup of Youc*nt Coffee)

You can’t pick and choose your audience.

But you can pick and choose how much you are willing to be associated with them.

‘So paint it black and take it back,  let’s shout it loud and clear’

Except that in this case as it’s down to already being dead in her game, it would be a bit difficult.

At least they weren’t dancing on it, Zeri!

But that’s really taking the piss!

Pr0x1ma brought up the topic of subhoods in the game.

Hold on, haven’t we got those in the game already?

Call the expert witness for the court!

Kneel! KNEEL TO YOUR GOD!

Reason EA doesn’t hire Twallan to do the job for them, it’s against their policy to hire anyone showing signs of regular competency as it would mean less of their relatives would be needed to snooze by the customer service phones.

You should do, because this is Mikitta47 basically reiterating the post she’d made on the topic back in October last year.

Or if you want to see the topic in full, click here for the full shebang on the EA forum.

(Now there’s a switch, us linking to them. Well they need the readers more than we do!)

Although Mikitta47 points out that her items suggested are generic, multi-functional and non-sectarian (and quite possibly ozone-friendly, street-wise, part of her five portions a day and suitable for vegans), she really must be stuck for something to talk about if she wants to go over old ground.

Come to think of it, some of those who replied are the same people too, with one exception – no Attention Whorse this time around with their ‘I know for a fact’ regarding whatever they currently believe from their last Google, who all but killed the thread last time around with a fairly transparant attempt to bait Madame Lee.

Second time lucky, perhaps?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Yes, that’s right, the formation squadron of flying pigs through the skies in celebration on the day that all comes to pass!

The US and New Zealand government – in a remarkably uncharacteristic display of lateral thinking, instead of chasing a million households across the planet for downloading CDs, DVDs, etc from the net for free, finally realised that if they took out the rogue host providers in question and charged them for failure to keep their house in order, in this case Megaupload (or Megapiracy as they’re nicknamed by some) the rest of them would start taking things as seriously as the likes of Rapidshare of Cuckooclockland do regarding complaints of copyright breeches.

More to the point, it would stop a lot of the piracy they’ve always claimed they’ve wanted to stamp out at source, and with Filesonic and Fileserve also looking set to go under having also been taking the rip for far too long, the tears of rage from Fatbeard and his buddies that their ‘entitlement’ to free everything has been taken away from them has warmed the cockles of our cold black hearts.

There is however the inevitable downside that the innocent are being punished with the guilty. Those that had been using these providers to upload their Sims 3 custom content for fellow fans to download may find themselves unable to access their own files, let alone anyone elses, and if the only copies they had of their own work were stored online, that could mean a lot of work lost.

The most popular one of course amongst most Simmers is Mediafire, and as it’s chief executive officer Derek Labian has already pointed out, the chances of them being next to suffer a shakedown are unlikely as Mediafire makes its money on adverts and subscriptions, and regularly closes down users that have uploaded pirated CDs, DVDs and movies. Rapidshare makes its money mainly on subscriptions and is ultra-strict because they come under the European Union’s copyright laws. Megaupload and their ilk by contrast worked by capping what you could download from them unless you subscribed, with the uploaders getting a cut – hence it’s popularity with pirates, and hence their heel dragging at taking down pirated content.

Of course, the chances are some file sharing service will spring up in Meerkovia or whatever who couldn’t give a flying duck about international copyright laws (unless it’s their crap getting pirated, that is) run by the Meerkat mafia, but until then it’ll slow the bar stewards down.

That doesn’t mean to say that Mediafire and Rapidshare are out of the woods yet (especially considering the US government’s track record for heavy handedness towards anything based in Switzerland, must be all that ‘neutrality’ is some sort of red rag to them!), so play it safe kiddies and make sure you’ve got back ups of your favourite Sims 3 files – just to be on the safe side.

We are living in ‘interesting times’, just be sure they don’t become too interesting for yourselves!

Although perhaps ‘burst couch’ would be more accurate, unless ‘fringe’ is another of those words that’s been given a bizarre new meaning (you know, like ‘sick’ now meaning something is ‘cool’) and now means ‘looks like it’s been dragged through a hedge backwards or in a nuclear bomb test’.

Not so much ‘hair by Videl Sassoon’ as ‘hair by Videl Baboon’.

Hi everyone, it’s me again, Lauryl – back to help you lovely Simmers with all your Simming problems!

Oh joy! Excuse us if we fail to multiple orgasm at the thought,

Shaddup Mares, you big bunch of beslubbering bat fowling pignuts! Anyhow,KaeChan2089 is needing help on the EA forum with her new Simmies:

A tricky problem indeed. There is nothing quite so important as giving your Simmie the right name at the beginning, but it is also important to remember that it should be connected to what sort of Simmie you want them to aspire to, especially if you have already settled on them being female with the surname of Heart.

If you want your Simmie to have the slob trait, call them Daff – at least other Simmies will then have some advanced warning.

But remember to take into account your Simmies planned ethnic origin as well. For instance, if to be of Native American Emo, call her Wyanet.

Putting these together, you can really be creative. If you want your Simmie to come from Al-Simhara and have the Evil and Cat Lover traits, Bast is your best bet. If she is to come from Champs Les Sims and in the Cooking career, Delit is the best name of all. If she is to be Jewish and loves to brawl, call her Urit – should work brilliantly every time another woman asks her what her name is!

‘Hey hon, what’s your name?’

‘Urit Heart!’

‘What? You bitch!’ (Cue pitch battle)