The Eaten Trifles

‘Okay everyone, let’s get this Jam session underway, tee-hee-hee-hee.’

‘Can I have jam with my ice-cream? Pweeeeeeeeese?’

‘It’s The Jam we’re doing, not U2, so no Sundae Bloody Sundae for you!’

‘Oh trollbat. Any chance then of a lighter version of this guitar? Switchy finds it too heavy.’

‘For plumbob’s sake Cloverstardrop, it’s a Rickenbacker 330, a classic guitar!’

‘So in other words this buttwing is supposed to weigh like the sort of anvil used for dropping on coyotes?’

‘Precisely!’

‘Pfffffft!’

‘Boo! You guys suck more than a Starlight Shores whore!’

‘I beg your pardon! I think that you shall find Lauryl that my colleagues and I are note perfect.’

‘You know all the notes, just a pity they’re not in the right order!’

‘Ah nonsense! We learned all the lyrics and music off by heart!’

‘Yeah – courtesy of some dodgy music books made in Shang Simla you bought off Uncle Ghastly judging by your attempt at doing Eton Rifles!’

Looks like that’s the funeral pyre of them becoming a Jam tribute band. That’s going to be the bitterest pill they’ve ever had to swallow!

For anyone that’s interested, over at Jazz-Hands you can now get some Jam t-shirts, hoodies and poster pictures, plus a ‘Whaam!’ guitar like the one Switch and Willow were playing badly.

There’s even a Mod scooter thrown in for good measure.

For the benefit of non-British readers scratching their heads, The Jam were a Punk-Mod Revivalist trio led by Paul Weller who were the biggest group in the UK for a few years in the 1980s who broke up mysteriously when at the height of their success, alienating most of their fans in one go with the result their members never came remotely close to ever being as successful solo – hence the old joke that Paul Weller is like scones ‘because he’s s**t without The Jam!’

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