Switch On To December (But Don’t Kinkshame The Christmas Turkey!)

Been a while (or maybe not) since we last did a round up on what’s going on down Cloverstardropper way (the real one that is!).

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Northern Californian residents aside for Health and Wedgie reasons, we wouldn’t recommend anyone getting one of these hoodies either.

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It seeems wearing it leads to premature balding:

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yewot  scratchhead

Elsewhere, there’s predictions about next year’s in-things are going to be… at least we think that’s what Switch is on about (that’s the trouble with the minimalist post style prevalent on Dumblr where writers expect you to just ‘know’ what they’re on about… grrrrrr!):

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Hestia? Does Switch mean…

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(a) FuryRed The Greek goddess of Hearth, home and family. Any resemblence to a certain character in Game of Thrones with Perpetual Wardrobe Malfunction Syndrome is entirely coincidental according to that fat bloke with the beard wot wrote it and stuffs.

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(b) Some anime character from a show called ‘Is It Wrong To Pick Up Girls In A Dungeon?’ (which sounds more like the title of a filk song by Aurelio Voltaire!) who due to her outfit has a ribbon tied under her cleavage in lieu of a more sensible sports bra. Apparantly very popular amongst basement dwellers with crusty socks.

Nah, this couldn’t have been who Switch was talking about – after all, she’s always the one who tells us to stop obsessing over boobs!

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(c) One of the two Carrow twins (and yes all you Raiders readers who guessed correctly, Flora’s on the left, Hestia’s on the right – you can just see the latter’s giveaway front hairbraid tucked underneath her hair). They turned up in the last three movies, always being around at important moments yet never actually doing anything, although their convenient leaving just as Harry’s about to explode Peruvian Darkness Powder into the Slytherin carriage in HBP, sitting in the Gryffindor carriage in Deathly Hallows 1, and not appearing to be remotely upset when Auntie Alecto and Uncle Amycus get twatted by Snape (before he escaped Hogwarts) are all things to make you go hmmmmm.

Greatest missed opportunity: marrying them off to the Weasley twins (having Fred and George both survive), having the inevitable fifty billion kids Weasley families always have, and watching the Hogwarts staff having breakdowns trying to deal with half of Gryffindor and Slytherin looking identical. It would be like a Disney version of The Children Of The Damned.

(Really boring trivia bit: Ruby Evans, who played Hestia Carrow in the movies, was Britain’s highest scoring school student for A-Level English in 2012. Take that, Emma ‘Hermione’ Watson!)

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Could be worse – you might not be over ‘Pigs In Space’ which was before you were even born.

By the way, are we really the only ones out there who think the Muppets are not funny? At all? Especially that eagle that thought he was Mr Spock – what was the point of him anyway. If we want to see a bunch flapping their arms around and shouting for no reason, we’ll go to an Asperger’s support group, thank you very much. Just put powdered blue Skittles into all the food and drink then sit back and watch as chaos ensues.

Speaking of medical issues, Switch has outed the latest Hollywood celebrity with an eating disorder:

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Coming up next, Big Bird and the trip to the sex addiction clinic. You heard it here first.

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Ah dang it, we gave away our last $390 to that nice Nigerian exiled prince who has promised to put $1 million into our bank accounts as a reward for letting us have our bank accounts and pin numbers so he could transfer funds from home. He’s also promised to give us the Sea Monkeys concession – MadameLee’s gonna be soooo jealous!

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For one horrible moment there, one of us thought two of their favourite bands had merged!

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Look on the bright side people, it’s either that or another generation of kids slitting their wrists in class from having to do essays on Hemingway.

Elsewhere, her drawings are getting better…

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… although that her style looks rather similar to Aarin’s still makes us wonder if one of the Great Knit’s horcruxes is stuck in her?

Finally, and much to our alarm, we never thought we’d live to see the day Cloverstardropper of all people was agreeing with kinkshaming:

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And what’s wrong with that, Switch. If part-time trannie Frank Zappa could sing about a penguin in bondage (we’re not making this up!), why not a chef about chickens?

This certainly puts Donald Trump talking out of his arse again into context (since when did he ever not – let’s face it, when Nigel Farage and Marine Le Pen of all people are calling him a douche for anti-Muslim remarks you know he’s really landed the Fail Whale!). Agreeing with Ina Garten kinkshaming chickens?

Mark our words, the U.S. is clearly sliding into the abyss into becoming the new Nazi Germany: it’s a small step from this sort of hate speech from Garten towards chickens to Americans rounding up all the turkeys and putting them in ovens before the year’s out – you’ll see if our warnings don’t come true!

wag_finger  wag_finger

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