Archive for July 5, 2018

Raiders Of The Lost Island Consignment Shop – Part 48

Posted in Raiders Of The Lost Island Consignment Shop on July 5, 2018 by themaresnest

‘So let’s get this straight, Vera. Without bothering first to confer with TadOlson and I, you’ve initiated an action leaving us no choice but to exit the jail – whether we agreed to it or want to put a stop to it – thus rendering it by default the only plan we can now utilise because we cannot risk returning inside: the front gate will have informed security that we’ve left and they’ll now be alerted there were unauthorised people in the building.’

‘Whoops! Me so silly!’

‘TadOlson gets the impression that Vera Blake did not confer with Stickykisses or TadOlson because Vera Blake knew that Stickykisses and TadOlson would not approve.’

‘Me gets the impression TadOlson would get a part in Humans because TadOlson talks like Odie The Retardbot!’

‘Vera, language!’

Pppppppppppt! Hehehehehehhee! Political correctness is good coz it means me gets to troll stoopid people by doing the opposite!’

‘Enough! This is unacceptable Vera, you know our contacts would never approve. Why didn’t you clear what you wanted to do with us first?’

‘Because Miss Stinky Britches, there woz telly cameras with mikeyphones everywhere. If me told you wot I’d dun anywhere inside Bracemoor, they’d know and tell on us! Logic and stuffs.’

‘What have you gone and done anyway?’

‘Ooooo, dat would spoil the surprise!’

‘I hope this isn’t anything stupid like attempting a jailbreak using an improvised device to achieve a small controlled explosion?’

‘Really Stickykisses! What do you take me for? Me would never do anything as stoopid and reckless…’

‘… me’s ensuring a jailbreak with a LARGE, COMPLETELY UNCONTROLLED EXPLOSION!’

‘Hee hee hee hee hee – Mr Workyman’s going to have even more to keep him employed after this!’

‘How can you be so cretinous?’

‘Hmmmph! Dat not true! Me not croutonous, crateynous … um, that big word you said!’

Cretinous – you cretin!’

‘Me not dat either! Me calculated it to measure at least one point five on the Richter scale and involve full conservation of energy to maximise kinetic force at target point and the economies of shrapnel carnage and kill zone radius- so there, pppppppppppt!’

‘Leaving aside your proving of my point by your unvoiced linguolabial trill, what exactly has killing everyone in that part of the jail – warden and prisoner alike – achieved? Now we’ll never get to the truth!’

‘Dat the clever clogs part, coz me so smart! It won’t have deaded everyone in the jail – only nasty wardens!’

‘You can’t know that! It’s impossible to have known that!’

‘Can so!’

‘All doz nice prisoners woz locked up in their cells coz we were visiting the building,’

‘The bomb woz on the scaffolding by the wall, away from the pipes to lessen the chance of collapse, but next to the wall to ensure the maximum carnage on dat and the ground floor. Big booms go in all directions, see?’

‘Everyone who was not in a cell behind a securely locked door woz certain to get full force of the blast and toasted the way me like my soldiers for dunky boiled egg. The jail cell doors are reinforced to make it hard sums for anyone to attempt to blow through them to bust out, see? You would know this if you were clever like me and looked these things up in the prison’s own technical maintenance manual.’

‘So that’s what you were doing with that book!’

‘Yep! As said before, me expert jailbreaker on more than just smartphones! Some will have got a fright …’

‘But most will have enjoyed getting their day off with a bang – all safe and sound and stuffs.’

‘The shockwave will even have knocked down the ossifers in the guard towers and made them drop their guns, or at least delayed them coming down to help their mates.’

‘All we need to do is the same as the inmates in the jail – wait for the flames to clear and the debris to stop falling.’

‘There will also be lots of smoke and soot inside to cover their escape even if the tellycamera things are somehow still working or any ossifers arrive. Me’s devised the perfect caper!’

‘Aren’t you forgetting about the prison cells having locked doors, genius?

‘Bracemoor’s jail doors are magnetically locked so they can’t be picked. They automatically open in the event of the ceiling sensors detecting a large fire on the premises – such as one caused during a big explosion. Again, all in the prison’s own technical maintenance manual. Me so smart you could call me a Tuxedo.’

‘I’m tempted to call you plenty of other things right you, you maniac!’


‘This is an interesting beginning to today’s events. A limited if highly effective conflagration.’

‘My nose and tastebuds are picking up traces of Torpex, paraffin wax, fertiliser residue, traces of magic and for some reason Silly Putty. Interesting combination – certainly made for a satisfactory detonation.’

‘It has also left a large hole along the wall next to a conveniently placed row of scaffolding.’

‘I get the impression someone wants all of us in here to escape.’

‘Hello? Anyone else around? Anyone else alive?’

‘Yeah. Kind of.’

‘That’ll do for now. Come over here.’

‘Where’s over here? Not only can’t I see much, but the dust’s distorting the sound and making it echo all over the place. Plus I think the explosion’s not done my ears any favours.’

‘Head across the central landing, and watch for debris on the gangways – it’s a right old mess.’

‘Right, okay, I’m over on the other side. Gee, that explosion’s made a real mess! We were lucky we didn’t get killed.’

‘I don’t think any of this was luck. I think this was meant to happen – the guards getting killed, us not, and a big hole in the wall offering means of a very quick escape before anyone can stop us – and that alone means we ought to take it fast!’

‘Don’t you want to know what’s waiting for us on the other side first?’

‘I think not. Being locked up in cells is one thing – being locked up by people with guns even if a governmental authority suggests our welfare is not their top priority. Also, if we’re valuable enough for someone to want to bust us out, that means we’re equally valuable enough for those in here to shoot us dead to make sure we don’t live to tell anyone whatever tale they’re expecting of us – and it’s doubtful they’ll take the chance of keeping us any longer after this.  I think we’ll stand a better chance out there than staying in here. That goes for the rest of you if you can hear us, cross the landing from your cells and get out via the scaffolding QUICK – your lives depend on it!’

‘I like your way of thinking. Besides, I’m more used to putting people into jail than helping them bust out – suppose there’s a first time for everything! By the way, who are you?’

‘Thessaly. Just call me Thessaly. You?’

‘Oh, plain old Nancy Drew. Let’s go!’