Archive for July 13, 2018

Bye Bye Berry Sweet Berrypie

Posted in Uncategorized on July 13, 2018 by themaresnest

We left this to a Friday the 13th. Somehow it just seemed more appropriate, because that’s how it felt when we read it.

We’d a bad feeling her new parental responsibilities and a move towards fiction writing more and Simming less boded ill.

All the same…

 

Suppose there’s nothing really left to say, except…

A long long time ago
We can still remember how
That Sims 3 used to make us smile
And we knew if she had the chance
That The Smustlequeen could make Simmers dance
And maybe they’d be happy for a while
But the Hands On Neck Foundation made us shiver
With every troll post they’d deliver
Bad news on the EA forum
It had lost all its decorum
We can’t remember if we cried
The way they treated Jix2993 so snide
Something chilled us deep inside
And we feared coming the day the Simming died

So bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Drove the Sloppy old Jalopy until Jetpacks could fly
The plumbob hordes munching through Key Lime Pie
Singin’ we’ll be playing The Sims till we die
We’ll be playing The Sims till we die

Sharkloverplayer-Catloverplayer wrote the book of love
And we had faith in NRaas above
If Twallan told us so.
Did you believe in motherlode?
And modders could save the game’s spaghetti code?
And could Gregorina teach us how to dance real slow?
Well, we knew Smustlequeen was in love with him
‘Cause we saw them dancin’ in the Skylight Studios gym
They both kicked off their shoes
And danced to Hot Chocolate, soul and blues
From every Simmer EA screwed a buck
For customers they didn’t really care a fuck
And we knew soon they’d run out of luck
The day Katy Perry’s Sweet Treats sales died [okay, that line scans like shit, sing it anyway, bumnuggets!]

We started singin’..

Bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Drove the Sloppy old Jalopy until Jetpacks could fly
The plumbob hordes munching through Key Lime Pie
Singin’ we’ll be playing Sims 3 till we die
We’ll be playing Sims 3 till we die

Now, for near ten years we’ve been on our own
Watching Aarin on her Rusted Throne
But, that’s not how it used to be
When the Berry sang for the EA Forum Goddess
Until she proved anything but modest
Berry changed the tune to ‘adios!’
SiManiacs SimInem offered her a break
And a big slice of Haiden beefcake
When the sun stopped shining out of The Great Knit’s behind
Till something Berry Sweeter came to mind…
Oh and when the Aarin goddess was struck down
Walden95 held her thorny crown, until Twallan rode into town
And Berry Sweet rainbowcy’s made the game less brown
There came the days the Simming thrived…

And we were singing…

Bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Drove the Sloppy old Jalopy until Jetpacks could fly
And until 1.67 everyone did scream and cry
Whingin’ we’ll be patching Sims 3 till we die
We’ll be patching Sims 3 till we die

CycloneSue and Crowkeeper built our dreams
While the nightmares came from Skeletal Screams
And wonderworlds came from Nilxis and Rflong7/13
But just in case you’ve all forgotten
Clairezy018 inflicted us with Strawberry Rotten
Who wants to eat your delicious brain – she looked in EA Customer Service, but looked in vain.
When the Jazz-Handers started trolling grannies
PollySim said they needed kicked in their fannies
And Jarsie9 tried to make a 15 year old cry
Some would shrug it’s just the internet, but it made some leave for Skyrim and our game forget
Though The Archivist showed it was worse elsewhere
Most Simmers were too busy pirating Peggyhair
And not anyone of us gave a care, the day the drama queens died.

Too busy singing…

Bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Haiden’s wardrobe’s malfunctioning and FuryRed’s flashing thigh
RubyTheConfuzzled’s fighting with a fly
Singin’ we’ll be playing Sims 3 till we die
We’ll be playing Sims 3 till we die

Oh, and we waited for EA to fix the mistakes
Generations were lost in Lunar Lakes
With nowhere else new to go
Jack wasn’t nimble, Jack was quick
Jack4740’s arse we had on a stick
Taffy got served while the Taffers moved servers
Boolprop FTAF survives, but others ended their endeavours.
The Simmers Club and SiManiacs were no more
And every Comrade forum crashed to the floor.
Camimh cheered, ‘Thank plumbob, Sims3Rich was a bore!’
Our quartets practiced in Bridgeport Acres park
And like Midnight Hollow, Simgurus kept us in the dark
The day common sense died
We were singin’…

Bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Drove the Sloppy old Jalopy until Jetpacks could fly
With a Hard Disc Drive death, and a graphics cards fry
Singin’ we’ll be paying for Sims 3 till we die
We’ll be paying for Sims 3 till we die

Grimmy sadly took Hillcrest1414 away
But told Midnight Pearl and Writin_Reg ‘not today’
‘You’ve years more Simming still to play.’
And while Netherlia and Rud3bwoy’s underpants were smoking
The grimster told Jessamine Diane, ‘You? You must be joking!’
‘Pink Plumbobs are strictly off my list.’ She wasn’t sure to be pleased or pissed.
‘Well if you think Jess I’m failing in my mission, ask Evil_One to start up a petition!
While Fatbeard Pescado hadn’t a pot to piss in.
For paysites and The Sims Resource he was the main scoffer
Till his claims all proved dodgier than an EA Store Special Deal offer
MadameLee’s summer trainwreck was too mad to mention
Jennygg asked her to return to her own dimension
The day Simmers’ patiences died…

They were singin’…

Bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Drove the Sloppy old Jalopy until Jetpacks could fly
Those good old Simmie Elders being perky and spry
Singin’ we’ll be making ’em paint till they die
We’ll be making ’em paint till they die (‘cos then their shit’s worth §930 more, bwahahahaha! )

When Twallan left everyone held their breath
But TadOlson just continued modding TadOlson’s game to death.
And to Simmers questions Simgurus turned much the same (deaf, you arseturnips!)
Gifting Trolls made the greedy grovel
But the Berry Sweet Queen had ideas more novel
Because any fool can buy their friends
But they’ll hate for free once the money ends
Crinrict’s new avatar looked like a Ramone
As the Issacsons threw us all a bone
IngeJones snapped at the anti-TSR agenda.
As the Simming world went on a mass free downloading bender
Honeywell warned everyone to save their pence
‘Cos Grahame Nardone’s claims made no sense
The day he hoped Sims 3 died

But we were singin’…

Bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Drove the Sloppy old Jalopy until Jetpacks could fly
Oh those Anubis360 clothes, far too pleasing to the eye
Singin’ we’ll be installing Sims CC till we die
We’ll be installing Sims CC till we die

We met a Simguru who sang the blues
And we asked her for some happy news
But Lauren McLemore just smiled and turned away
We went down to the Twinbrook consignment store
Where we’d play the Sims years before
But the man there said without Origin it wouldn’t play
And in the EA forum entitled children screamed
Cinebar warned whilst the Yibsims dreamed
But not to the press a word was spoken
The pre-release copies were now all mysteriously broken
And some of the Simmers we admired most
They gave Graham Nardone a damn good roast
Said ‘Beware! That Sims 4‘s TOAST!’
The day the Simmers’ faith died
And they were singing

Bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Drove the Sloppy old Jalopy until Jetpacks could fly
The Berry Sweets perving over Ridiculously Photogenic Guy
Singin’ we’ll be playing Sims 3 and 4 till we die
We’ll be playing Sims 3 and 4 till we die

Helter skelter, Sim Studios caught a belter
The Simgurus fled to a fallout shelter
Patrick Kelly came out the grass
And made Rachel Franklin appear an ass
For the ‘brand new game’ they were trying to pimp us
Was tablet binned code called Sims Olympus
Cupcub wasn’t buying Nardone’s good intentions.
‘You Simguru bastards only want to top up your pensions!’
Charlie Sinhaseni and Ryan Vaughan offered a selected few a go
But then bent the rules for some cheap dumb ho’
They claimed she’d a big radio show playing all the hits
But the only ‘big’ they cared about was Camille Campbell’s tits
Simmers were outraged, the EA forum full of rancour
Cinebar and even WissaWolf thought Charlie Boy a wanker
Dezmeria said the price for him to cum his load
Was giving that scanty dressed skank a Sims 4 CAS Demo Code
But before Oilbasedoleander could strip to Wonderbra and panties
StillJustMe2 said those two deserved the Inferno e Dantes
And those naughty Mares rode in to up the ante…
The day, we laughed till we cried

We were still singin’

Bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Drove the Sloppy old Jalopy until Jetpacks could fly
Those Redwood City pervs needing poked in the eye
Singin’ we’ll be playing Sims 3 till we die
We’ll be playing Sims 3 till we die

Well Berry’s always got sound reasons, that we’ve got to know
Still it hurts like hell she’s decided ‘time to go’
And to do so under a cloud
Drama farmers harvest their fields of misinterpretation
Delight in ruining our one big Simming nation
And the cracks between us all seem to grow
The Simmers doing best to be fair and kind
These last few years all too often find
On Dumblr too many Simblrs drive them out of their mind
As if the real world ain’t cold enough – falling out over silly stuff
Arguing what Sims version’s best is beyond absurd
Whether ‘Nick Cage Clones’, ‘Pudding’ or ‘The Glitterturd’,
Let’s all agree to disagree and put out the word
‘Cos the day ain’t coming, the Simming died

‘Hasta la vista, Berrybaby!’

Bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Drove the Sloppy old Jalopy until Jetpacks could fly
The happy plumbob hordes watched years rolling by
Singin’ we’ll be playing The Sims series till we die
We’ll be playing The Sims series till we die

They were singing

Bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Drove the Sloppy old Jalopy until Jetpacks could fly
We plumbob hordes still watching years rolling by
Singin’ we’ll be playing The Sims series till we die
We’ll be playing The Sims series till we die

(Clap your hands and stamp your feet, then scream as the meteor or unmodded Murphy Bed falls on top of you…)

[With apologies to Don McLean – on second thoughts, it serves him right!]