Archive for the Uncategorized Category

MKSizzle Wants To See Your Hot Simmies (Dreamerz13 Wants To See A Cold Shower Installer!)

Posted in Uncategorized on July 17, 2018 by themaresnest

MKSizzle, whose job on the EA forum appears to be to start all the threads on the Sims 3 section of the EA forum which don’t require a compulsory answer from Igazor, has resurrected this old classic – actually, not resurrected as such, started a new one on an old topic, since trying to resurrect threads there is just about the only day’s work you can get a Simguru to do in their haste to shut them down.

Emily4331 decided to stick her two pence in, or rather Yasmine’s two pins:

Could someone please phone an ambulance for CravenLestat. If he’s saw this thread, he’s probably had a heart attack!

 

No surprise that Mikezumi also turned up.

And oh, they had a wardrobe malfunction! Imagine that!

Poor Mikezumi, she really appears to have no luck at all with her male Simmies mysterious outfit glitches, does she?

 

Which is more than can be said for that brazen hussy Dreamerz13. Quite aside from her Simmie Rubberbandmouth’s stripteases, there was the small matter of her reading material:

 

Saucer Of Cream For Nikkei_Simmer, Please (And Stronger Medication For Ourselves!)

Posted in Uncategorized on July 16, 2018 by themaresnest

Although this all said, there has been worrying signs…

Dangerous paths you are walking.

It starts with Pancake Bob.

Then it progresses to thinking that early synthesis music wasn’t all predictable and derivative.

Then to thinking Robin Williams was quite a deep and meaningful guy and not some bozo-klutz comedian going through a late middle age Jerry Lewis wanting to be taken seriously as an artist ‘disappear up one’s own arse’ phase.

Before you know it, your brain has deceded from both that the next course of appropriate action is to take you to YouTube and play this:

Vangelis is Pancake Bob, Jon Anderson is what Robin Williams would become.

This song was written in the hope someone was about to do The Lord Of The Rings In Outer Space and needed a theme tune for it.

Or a Lord Of The Rings and Star Wars crossover fan fiction.

Don’t laugh too loud, that stuff actually does exist.

 

‘Darth Vadar has seen a lot in the Lego Universe…’

There is such a concept as Lego characters which are ‘canon’. Our world is truly doomed.

Ah come on, we’ve got a point why did so many of the bloody Prog rock bands all have people in them that looked like they ought to have been in a bloody Hobbit movie. Jon Anderson, Rick Wakeman, Geddy Lee, Mike Rutherford, Steve Hackett and Peter Gabriel … – we rest our case!

By the way, nothing wrong with Yes, or Jon and Vangelis – merely Jon Anderson was so f**king pseudo-intellectually smug you could be forgiven for thinking Hermione Granger was the bastard offspring of him and Kate Bush, after one wild night together after talking about their Eastern philosophical spiritual gurus, agreeing with what each other said because neither knew what the other was talking about – because neither knew what they were talking about, they were making it all up trying to look learned rather than posy middle England wankers while high on plumbob knows what….

See, that’s that one explained as well, Potter fans!

And we bet the bastards just had to do it Tantric, didn’t they?

Er, weren’t we talking about Nikkei_Simmer’s blog?

Oh yeah, things at the Mushroom Cloud Chronicles have been hotting up, with everyone trying to get in on the action.

‘Sorry sir, but you can’t get in the bunker without a tie.’

‘We’re sorry, but these are the house rules – even if you are wearing a smoking jacket, a very smoking jacket…’

Never knew FuryRed wore glasses!

 

The Taffers Are Airing Their Golden Plumbobs Again

Posted in Uncategorized on July 15, 2018 by themaresnest

Yep, seems like forever since the last one, but with the death of Black Pearl Sims, the torch for having the most elongated forum awards Simmers actually bother voting for now passes to the thirteen year old Boolprop Fight The Addiction False, which is hardly surprising considering it’s got so many of the surviving Sims 2 story writers – or at least the surviving Sims 2 story writers who don’t want to fuck wolves whilst pretending to be cats (that’s what Live Journal’s for after all) – let alone Sims 3 and Sims 4 ones.

In order to save space, here’s a list of just the Sims 3 nominees.

Griffindork we recognise from the Dysfunkshinul Legacy which was a good source for pic raiding for LOLSims (something else we need time to get around to updating!) but one trouble with following these damned things is the number of Taffers that have changed their names several times over the years such as Ani-Mei (was Animeangel1983) and Thaitanic (was plain old Thai and before that TaintedColours) although we recognise Seera who has been in with the bricks along with Keika (she who wanted a mod for getting pregnant if you ate cake!) and Pony.

For the Completed Stories section, we think it’s safe to say that Taffer Rad’s Simming days are over, with her blog and Tumblr dead for three years, and having written a novel last year (largely by voice due to chronic pain in both her arms, it appears the Simming world’s very own academic has dropped her plumbob.

 

Another year goes by incidentally without Rflong7/13 attracting a single nomination in any of the awards – boo!

We mean, a Best Architect award without our Becca in it?

Taffers, have you saw the Supernatural Island she did last year in conjunction with Hidehi? A complete and utter compendium of everything good about every expansion pack planked into one masterpiece?

 

Oh well.

We’d check what Cororon’s story was about, but with a name like ‘Mike Malone – The Dirty Cop’ perhaps it’s best that we don’t!

 

It’s a Scandinavian thing, folks. This is what they have their cops wearing in the summer when the weather gets too hot…

By a strange turn of fate, crime rates shoot up by 10000% over the summer period over there, most of the offenders being women and male homosexuals, and equally bizarrely there’s also a near 100% correlation of these offenders all claiming they have hidden weapons on them, with half of those claiming the need for a full cavities search, half of those in turn saying they have KY Jelly if that helped the police with their enquiries, and half of those being members of the Skandinavisk Samhälle för Obotlig Nymfomaner who said they’d brought along their own furry handcuffs.

As for the award Thai and Livvielove are up for…

We don’t know, we don’t want to know, and it all probability there ought to be a NSFW proviso to it!

 

JKTee511’s Game For A Name (And There’s A Moose Loose About JoAnne65’s Hoose!)

Posted in Uncategorized on July 14, 2018 by themaresnest

It’s a rare sight these days spotting JKTee511 outside of the Stories and Legacies section with whatever competition he’s involved in with TurnerSims, Twiddle3, M13Vulpecula, Haylo Husky, Alleenmens, etc; but he wanted to share the following with those in General Discussion:

Candy Bar. Hmmm, name sounds dubious – we hope you don’t have some mod which puts hookers or Cam Whores in the game, young man!

 

IreneSwift was able to offer an explanation:

So the name is linked to their profession. In which case we’re even more certain that it happens to be the oldest one!

It was familiar to Coco however:

We bet she did!

 

CravenLestat added a few more punning on the job examples but without an explanation for Candy Bar – thankfully!

As for Emily4331…

… Brain Hooker – Brain Hooker is it?

And speaking of hookers, what the blue plumbobs are you doing dressed up like that in your avatar?

 

Thankfully, this den of iniquity was rescued by JoAnne65:

It Disney surprise us she’s having a PollySim moment to her game when there’s a moose loose about her hoose.

 

For those of you not getting the cultural significance, one of the earliest hits of rock ‘n’ roll was Lord Rockingham’s XI (the backing band from the ‘Oh Boy!’ TV show which launched the careers of Cliff Richard and The Shadows, )  ‘Hoots Mon! There’s A Moose Loose About This Hoose!’ – which enjoyed a bizarre chart revival after being used in a wine gums advert. Bizarrely, they were also responsible for the string arrangement on Nick Drake’s eerie ‘River Man’ ten years later (and which, in turn, enjoyed its own creepy revival).

But we digress.

At least Igazor got it – he must be part Canadian at least, in order to know what it’s all aboot!

 

Don’t Be In A Rush To Mesh, Nikkei_Simmer! Quartermaster ESkippy May Have It Covered

Posted in Uncategorized on July 14, 2018 by themaresnest

Over on Nikkei Simmer Sims, the Kraftdinnerlander behind the Mushroom Cloud Chronicles has found a piece of military equipment his game still requires.

Yes, we found that one hard to believe as well.

Erm, is this what you are looking for regarding helmets?

This comes from ESkippy’s Assassim’s Creed Creations, long abandoned, but the download links appear still good (He was known as Ethanvr on the EA forum).

As per usual with Dumblr (and one of the reasons we hate it so much), the writing is like the small print on anything bought from Apple, even worse when there’s a background blurring out much of the writing anyway.

Hence why we have reprinted it highlighted, so you don’t have to – and don’t have to put money in your swear boxes at the same time. We are The Mare’s Nest and we care about your spiritual and moral welfare, muthafukkas.

For handguns, well CloudwalkerNZ virtually cornered that market back in 2011 with this set:

There’s also the following stuff first uploaded in August 2014 from Black-Le (or whatever the plumbob they’re called), but we advise caution.

Not only are they another of those bumnuggets insisting on inflicting their music on you automatically (slowing down pages loading up and pissing Simmers off – you are not, repeat not, going to make new fans for your favourites by trying to force feed your funk on the rest of us).

Second, you have to go to a separate site altogether to do the downloading – here. Then press the tab marked Gun Set – no outside linking possible, which makes us think having decent adblockers will be a good idea when heading out there.

That said, the stuff is as good as it looks – although the RPG-7 (incorrectly labelled here are an RE6 – only Grand Theft Auto and the Resident Evil series’ incorrectly label it as such) loses a little detail in CAS, never mind the game, it’s still a mile better than CloudwalkerNZ’s horrendous version, which looks like something from Toys ‘R’ Us (RIP).

Happy maiming!

 

Will Porkahontas Bring Home The Bacon? Or Is It All A Pig In A Poke

Posted in Uncategorized on July 14, 2018 by themaresnest

We were pork scratching our heads over this one!

Aren’t Natalie Dormer Simalikes out of fashion since she got dissolved in wildfire in Game Of Thrones?

Hey, if that joke’s good enough for the New York Magazine, it’s good enough for us!

 

Anyway, KatNip had far worse:

Oh, you swine!

Bye Bye Berry Sweet Berrypie

Posted in Uncategorized on July 13, 2018 by themaresnest

We left this to a Friday the 13th. Somehow it just seemed more appropriate, because that’s how it felt when we read it.

We’d a bad feeling her new parental responsibilities and a move towards fiction writing more and Simming less boded ill.

All the same…

 

Suppose there’s nothing really left to say, except…

A long long time ago
We can still remember how
That Sims 3 used to make us smile
And we knew if she had the chance
That The Smustlequeen could make Simmers dance
And maybe they’d be happy for a while
But the Hands On Neck Foundation made us shiver
With every troll post they’d deliver
Bad news on the EA forum
It had lost all its decorum
We can’t remember if we cried
The way they treated Jix2993 so snide
Something chilled us deep inside
And we feared coming the day the Simming died

So bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Drove the Sloppy old Jalopy until Jetpacks could fly
The plumbob hordes munching through Key Lime Pie
Singin’ we’ll be playing The Sims till we die
We’ll be playing The Sims till we die

Sharkloverplayer-Catloverplayer wrote the book of love
And we had faith in NRaas above
If Twallan told us so.
Did you believe in motherlode?
And modders could save the game’s spaghetti code?
And could Gregorina teach us how to dance real slow?
Well, we knew Smustlequeen was in love with him
‘Cause we saw them dancin’ in the Skylight Studios gym
They both kicked off their shoes
And danced to Hot Chocolate, soul and blues
From every Simmer EA screwed a buck
For customers they didn’t really care a fuck
And we knew soon they’d run out of luck
The day Katy Perry’s Sweet Treats sales died [okay, that line scans like shit, sing it anyway, bumnuggets!]

We started singin’..

Bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Drove the Sloppy old Jalopy until Jetpacks could fly
The plumbob hordes munching through Key Lime Pie
Singin’ we’ll be playing Sims 3 till we die
We’ll be playing Sims 3 till we die

Now, for near ten years we’ve been on our own
Watching Aarin on her Rusted Throne
But, that’s not how it used to be
When the Berry sang for the EA Forum Goddess
Until she proved anything but modest
Berry changed the tune to ‘adios!’
SiManiacs SimInem offered her a break
And a big slice of Haiden beefcake
When the sun stopped shining out of The Great Knit’s behind
Till something Berry Sweeter came to mind…
Oh and when the Aarin goddess was struck down
Walden95 held her thorny crown, until Twallan rode into town
And Berry Sweet rainbowcy’s made the game less brown
There came the days the Simming thrived…

And we were singing…

Bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Drove the Sloppy old Jalopy until Jetpacks could fly
And until 1.67 everyone did scream and cry
Whingin’ we’ll be patching Sims 3 till we die
We’ll be patching Sims 3 till we die

CycloneSue and Crowkeeper built our dreams
While the nightmares came from Skeletal Screams
And wonderworlds came from Nilxis and Rflong7/13
But just in case you’ve all forgotten
Clairezy018 inflicted us with Strawberry Rotten
Who wants to eat your delicious brain – she looked in EA Customer Service, but looked in vain.
When the Jazz-Handers started trolling grannies
PollySim said they needed kicked in their fannies
And Jarsie9 tried to make a 15 year old cry
Some would shrug it’s just the internet, but it made some leave for Skyrim and our game forget
Though The Archivist showed it was worse elsewhere
Most Simmers were too busy pirating Peggyhair
And not anyone of us gave a care, the day the drama queens died.

Too busy singing…

Bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Haiden’s wardrobe’s malfunctioning and FuryRed’s flashing thigh
RubyTheConfuzzled’s fighting with a fly
Singin’ we’ll be playing Sims 3 till we die
We’ll be playing Sims 3 till we die

Oh, and we waited for EA to fix the mistakes
Generations were lost in Lunar Lakes
With nowhere else new to go
Jack wasn’t nimble, Jack was quick
Jack4740’s arse we had on a stick
Taffy got served while the Taffers moved servers
Boolprop FTAF survives, but others ended their endeavours.
The Simmers Club and SiManiacs were no more
And every Comrade forum crashed to the floor.
Camimh cheered, ‘Thank plumbob, Sims3Rich was a bore!’
Our quartets practiced in Bridgeport Acres park
And like Midnight Hollow, Simgurus kept us in the dark
The day common sense died
We were singin’…

Bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Drove the Sloppy old Jalopy until Jetpacks could fly
With a Hard Disc Drive death, and a graphics cards fry
Singin’ we’ll be paying for Sims 3 till we die
We’ll be paying for Sims 3 till we die

Grimmy sadly took Hillcrest1414 away
But told Midnight Pearl and Writin_Reg ‘not today’
‘You’ve years more Simming still to play.’
And while Netherlia and Rud3bwoy’s underpants were smoking
The grimster told Jessamine Diane, ‘You? You must be joking!’
‘Pink Plumbobs are strictly off my list.’ She wasn’t sure to be pleased or pissed.
‘Well if you think Jess I’m failing in my mission, ask Evil_One to start up a petition!
While Fatbeard Pescado hadn’t a pot to piss in.
For paysites and The Sims Resource he was the main scoffer
Till his claims all proved dodgier than an EA Store Special Deal offer
MadameLee’s summer trainwreck was too mad to mention
Jennygg asked her to return to her own dimension
The day Simmers’ patiences died…

They were singin’…

Bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Drove the Sloppy old Jalopy until Jetpacks could fly
Those good old Simmie Elders being perky and spry
Singin’ we’ll be making ’em paint till they die
We’ll be making ’em paint till they die (‘cos then their shit’s worth §930 more, bwahahahaha! )

When Twallan left everyone held their breath
But TadOlson just continued modding TadOlson’s game to death.
And to Simmers questions Simgurus turned much the same (deaf, you arseturnips!)
Gifting Trolls made the greedy grovel
But the Berry Sweet Queen had ideas more novel
Because any fool can buy their friends
But they’ll hate for free once the money ends
Crinrict’s new avatar looked like a Ramone
As the Issacsons threw us all a bone
IngeJones snapped at the anti-TSR agenda.
As the Simming world went on a mass free downloading bender
Honeywell warned everyone to save their pence
‘Cos Grahame Nardone’s claims made no sense
The day he hoped Sims 3 died

But we were singin’…

Bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Drove the Sloppy old Jalopy until Jetpacks could fly
Oh those Anubis360 clothes, far too pleasing to the eye
Singin’ we’ll be installing Sims CC till we die
We’ll be installing Sims CC till we die

We met a Simguru who sang the blues
And we asked her for some happy news
But Lauren McLemore just smiled and turned away
We went down to the Twinbrook consignment store
Where we’d play the Sims years before
But the man there said without Origin it wouldn’t play
And in the EA forum entitled children screamed
Cinebar warned whilst the Yibsims dreamed
But not to the press a word was spoken
The pre-release copies were now all mysteriously broken
And some of the Simmers we admired most
They gave Graham Nardone a damn good roast
Said ‘Beware! That Sims 4‘s TOAST!’
The day the Simmers’ faith died
And they were singing

Bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Drove the Sloppy old Jalopy until Jetpacks could fly
The Berry Sweets perving over Ridiculously Photogenic Guy
Singin’ we’ll be playing Sims 3 and 4 till we die
We’ll be playing Sims 3 and 4 till we die

Helter skelter, Sim Studios caught a belter
The Simgurus fled to a fallout shelter
Patrick Kelly came out the grass
And made Rachel Franklin appear an ass
For the ‘brand new game’ they were trying to pimp us
Was tablet binned code called Sims Olympus
Cupcub wasn’t buying Nardone’s good intentions.
‘You Simguru bastards only want to top up your pensions!’
Charlie Sinhaseni and Ryan Vaughan offered a selected few a go
But then bent the rules for some cheap dumb ho’
They claimed she’d a big radio show playing all the hits
But the only ‘big’ they cared about was Camille Campbell’s tits
Simmers were outraged, the EA forum full of rancour
Cinebar and even WissaWolf thought Charlie Boy a wanker
Dezmeria said the price for him to cum his load
Was giving that scanty dressed skank a Sims 4 CAS Demo Code
But before Oilbasedoleander could strip to Wonderbra and panties
StillJustMe2 said those two deserved the Inferno e Dantes
And those naughty Mares rode in to up the ante…
The day, we laughed till we cried

We were still singin’

Bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Drove the Sloppy old Jalopy until Jetpacks could fly
Those Redwood City pervs needing poked in the eye
Singin’ we’ll be playing Sims 3 till we die
We’ll be playing Sims 3 till we die

Well Berry’s always got sound reasons, that we’ve got to know
Still it hurts like hell she’s decided ‘time to go’
And to do so under a cloud
Drama farmers harvest their fields of misinterpretation
Delight in ruining our one big Simming nation
And the cracks between us all seem to grow
The Simmers doing best to be fair and kind
These last few years all too often find
On Dumblr too many Simblrs drive them out of their mind
As if the real world ain’t cold enough – falling out over silly stuff
Arguing what Sims version’s best is beyond absurd
Whether ‘Nick Cage Clones’, ‘Pudding’ or ‘The Glitterturd’,
Let’s all agree to disagree and put out the word
‘Cos the day ain’t coming, the Simming died

‘Hasta la vista, Berrybaby!’

Bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Drove the Sloppy old Jalopy until Jetpacks could fly
The happy plumbob hordes watched years rolling by
Singin’ we’ll be playing The Sims series till we die
We’ll be playing The Sims series till we die

They were singing

Bye, bye Berry Sweet Berrypie
Drove the Sloppy old Jalopy until Jetpacks could fly
We plumbob hordes still watching years rolling by
Singin’ we’ll be playing The Sims series till we die
We’ll be playing The Sims series till we die

(Clap your hands and stamp your feet, then scream as the meteor or unmodded Murphy Bed falls on top of you…)

[With apologies to Don McLean – on second thoughts, it serves him right!]