Oh well, we may as well suffer like the rest of you and watch it…
‘Hi guys, I’m Ryan Vaughan, and this is… erm – I’m sorry, what is your name intern?’
‘It’s Graham Nardone, I’ve been working for you the last five years.’
[vague expression] ‘Oh, have you really? That’s nice. [mutters] Why did we take on him, he hasn’t got boobs? I’d better have a word with human resources again in time for September.’
[faces camera] ‘We heard you guys wanted to see some live game play, so today we have a special treat.’
You are going to show us live game play?
‘We’re gonna take you through the demo we gave to press and journalists at E3 last month.’
So you’re not going to show live game play, but a pre-recorded and edited electronic press kit, but you will mention live game play in the first sentence to give the subliminal impression you are giving live game play.
‘Now before we jump into the game we would like to say this is BATA software actually from a month ago,’
BATA software? As opposed to BETA software? Is this some sort of EA shorthand for MASTERBATA software because it’s a load of w**k?
‘So if you see any bugs or any kind of hiccups throughout our, er, game play today, just note that this is an unfinished version of the game.’
Let’s cut the crap: instead of live game play, you are about to show a month old demo that you are asking of us also to not take as being representative of the final end product as a way of excusing any bugs we may spot.
On the basis of this, you are wanting us to return to trusting you and agree to part with a big chunk of money in a month’s time on little more than your good faith that it will be better and bug free by then.
Interesting to note that Vaughan stumbled over his words at that point and looked away from the camera. Someone’s conscience bothering him perhaps?
‘Hey! We’re your bros! Would we ever set out to deliberately mislead you?’
Why yes, Mr Tiny Fraction Of The Content, we do believe you would – just like you did throughout the Sims 3 era with expansions and premium content that were bugged and you promised to repair but never fully did.
You couldn’t even make a bakery back in April without managing to screw that one up as well – as your good friend Phreakindee at Lazy Gamer Reviews reported, it didn’t work! It needed a post-Twallan NRaas Industries mod to work properly.
The Deliciously Indulgent Bakery is a metaphor for the entire Sims 3 era – slapdash production with customers’ anger answered with weasel word and empty promises from Simgurus, resulting in amateur coders having to create fixes themselves.
You and your mates have demonstatably operated under a mission statement of caveat emptor, yet you expect us to trust you ever again?
‘There’s nothing that a bro likes doing than hanging out with another bro, so we’re gonna jump straight into liff [sic!] mode now and see how our Sims traits and emotions change the way we’re gonna play the game.’
‘The best thing about emotions is that you the player have complete control over them.’
In which case they aren’t emotions, are they? The whole point of emotions is heart over the head. You really have not thought this through, have you.
But let’s have a look at these emotions anyway:
We are so underwhelmed.
By contrast, here’s Cloverstardropper in Sims 3 being very angry during the charming children’s tale of Little Rad Riding Hood.
And just for good measure, here is Rad doing her angry face.
Now that’s a very angry face. That’s emotion. And that’s Sims 3.
All emotions do is give a boost or a hinderence when doing particular kinds of task, skilling up or talking to other Simmies – the same as the old moodlets system. So where’s the progress?
Dress it up whatever way you like, this is nothing new – and all the ‘tactile and innovative’ buzz words in the world won’t change it.
‘But look! Look! There’s Bella Goth! And her tits are bouncing!’
No – they’re – not.
Even the most sexually starved sad case in the world won’t believe that urban legend about how more realistic Simmies body parts are in the new game.
‘And there’s people having a picnic at a picnic table! With hot dogs!’
Sims 3 base game did too. With better non-watercolour graphics. Next!
‘Ooo ooo! Here’s an wild apple tree! You can pick apples from it! And plant them in your garden!’
Again, Sims 3 base game did too. With better non-watercolour graphics. Next!
‘Oh… erm… hey! Your Sims can play chess against other Sims in the public park!’
Sims 3 base game with better non-watercolour graphics once again. Next!
Is there anything Sims 4 has that Sims 3 does not to justify its existence? Well there is one thing…
Let’s have a look at the return of the ‘neighbourhood’ system, which means going through loading screens to get from one section of the town to another. Time above at start, nine minutes sixteen seconds.
Time above at near the end of Graham Nardone’s Simmie going to another neighbourhood, nine minutes forty one seconds.
That makes a turn around time of twenty five seconds.
Now Ryan Vaughan may try to glitter the turd by saying that this also means between worlds as well as neighbourhoods within worlds, but those blocks of twenty five seconds are going to add up as you have a regular Simming session and become wearisome.
More to the point, those twenty five seconds will grow to thirty, to forty, etc. as new expansions, stuff packs and Store content are added in, whereupon the novelty will swiftly wear off… but they will have your money, and not care two hoots.
Whatever the moans about Sims 3, the open world meant less of the stunted experience a fractured neighbourhood system will return Simmers to (unless you’re attempting to play one of those ridiculous giant urban worlds that would bring a Cray Supercomputer to its knees).
As those behind the Thief (2014) reboot (aka Thief 4) discovered the hard way, the only place today’s gamer will tolerate having to go through multiple loading screens is in something like Animal Crossing: New Leaf for the 3DS or another handheld device, or for something so graphically brilliant and innovative it makes it all worthwhile, such as the industry game changing Skyrim.
Sims 4, like Thief 4, is a reboot proffering nothing new to what it is meant to succeed. Worse than Thief 4, it doesn’t have ten years between series to at least have advances in computing to compensate – Sims 3 will still be very much alive, kicking – and discounted – at the time of launch.
All this demo has succeeded in doing is proving they have nothing new to say.