Phreakindee Redeems Himself In Part By Crucifying The Glitterturd Toddler Stuff Pack

We were in two minds to mention this, coming as it is for that version of the Sims series we’d gladly shove up the arse of Graham Nardone from whence it was shat, but from a Simming community point of view it has given us one significant development – Phreakindee finally getting the balls to bite the hand that feed him.

Which is appropriate, considering that it’s the laughably bad balls of the toddler ball park that’s attracted his ire. EA gave him a game code to review their new stuff pack. He gave them a spit roast with plenty of sauce.

Using shitty lazy arse flat panelling in lieu of proper texturing like grown up coders working for grown up companies like Bethesda have managed for nigh on a decade, this steaming turd merely spits balls upwards out of to ‘simulate’ the balls moving when a toddler crashes in, because using a set of proper algorithms to make a surface of balls move realistically when interacted with was too much like hard work.

 

If this sounds snide, too bloody right it is – this is what you lot are paying £7.99 already for, more fool you.

‘Like I knew the Sims 4 was coming to consoles but I didn’t know that meant the PS1!… All kidding aside, this is atrocious.’

To add insult to injury, in order to pad out the stuff pack, they included the same Jungle Jim twice, the second one simply having the ball park glued onto one of the exits in order to provide an extra interactive object with the minimal effort required.

As Phreakindee spells out for the benefit of the more stupid (even by that standard) Sims 4 apologists:

After this, it looks like he’s about to spoil it all by droning on about how wonderful toddlers are, how they’re the best thing there’s ever been in the game and it’s so cute the way they interact with all the stuff he’s spent the last three minutes telling us is nauseous offal. But no, our boy comes through, pointing out what’s good about the toddlers is already now in the game anyway, and that he cannot recommend the pack even at the $10 price tag (that’s £7.99 in proper money, or €10 if you’re Johnny Foreigner).

‘Unless you’re really into the clothing additions or the wibbly wobbly ball park rendered in 1997, the Toddler Stuff Pack is one of my most throughly ignorable packs to date.’

Clothing additions? So he’s heard about Pierre-Pierreandreply-FriendlySimmers as well, eh?